Home » Other Work » Short Stories » The Lord of Hobbies

The Lord of Hobbies

One day, God had an idea. It was one of those off-beat ideas that simply wouldn’t go away, and so He mused over it for a while. Before long, it was a plan. Being God and all, He decided that it was worth putting into action.

He went into His almighty workshop and got busy. First, he created light. It took a day, but he had it up and running. After a good rest, he went back to the shop and made water, and found that in the light it made a realm of waters above and then fell back to the waters below. It was a neat trick, and he tinkered with it for a day. The next day, he made dry land apart from the waters to watch the rain fall and puddle and collect. He put small plants on the land to hold the water back. The next day after that, he turned the lights on and off to watch the water play and move. This was getting fun.

In a bold departure, he then set loose animals everywhere to frolic in the puddles. Finally, on the sixth day, he created something called “Man” to run the whole operation. It was a difficult procedure involving working up a rib, but a hobbyist has to make do with what he has sometimes. With an autopilot in place, God figured he was pretty much done with it and took a break.

About a month later, the electric company sent him the bill for all that light. God was puzzled by this, and set it in his “to-do” pile. Then came the bill for all that water. Later, he was notified by the city that all of these animals running around without permits were going to produce some steep fines. Just as God was about to do something about it, he got the bill from His health insurance for the complicated birthing procedure and ribectomy. God was simply furious.

In His wrath, God wanted to smite someone bad. And so, there was a lot of smiting and terrible almighty get-back. He even cranked up the water pumps for a while just to show that he still could, drowning everyone except another hobbyist who had a big boat ready “just in case”.

When He was done, he looked around. The smiting continued without stop. God realized he had made a terrible mistake, and so he made one more being that He called his son. This new creation told everyone that smiting was wrong, and that God wanted it to all stop. That was when “Man” killed his son in the most brutal way they could think of.

God realized it was hopeless, and retired to become an Amish farmer. He never did pay any of the bills, leaving them to be passed on to later generations. No one sees much of him anymore, except occasionally in the details of some very fine furniture He works up when He needs some cash.

The moral of the story is that life is all about hobbies run amok – and debt.

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