Let’s start with a simple question: The main reason to open your mouth is:

A) To shove food into it, or
B) To express yourself.

If you answered “B”, I think we need to talk. You figger that’s what yer mouth is for, yes?

This distinction, which seems a bit silly, may become a very serious problem in my neighborhood in another eight weeks. We are hosting the Republican Convention just three blocks from my house, and the preparations are moving ahead on many fronts. The most contentious has always been how the 20-100 thousand protesters are going to have access to the convention – some are suing right now for the right to be seen and heard by delegates.

There’s been a lot of fuss about the rights of people who want to protest Republican policies, mainly the war. What I’ve heard little talk about is what this multitude is going to actually do while they are here.

People need to eat. They also need to sleep, shower, shit and sometimes schtup. All of this will go on in makeshift facilities all around the city. I’ve asked some of the people I know who are planning this event just what kind of arrangements are being made should their dreams of 100,000 voices shouting down the war come true. The short answer is that they figure they’re gonna wing it.

There’s an old saying when it comes to a military campaign that “Amateurs talk strategy, experts talk logistics”. That’s true in organizing, too. I’m sure that they’re getting the buses together to bring as many people to Saint Paul as they can and that they’ll canvas long and hard to fill them. People will jump on at the last minute, caught up in the thrill of just going there and doing it. Having been to a few of these myself, it’s always surprising how many people arrive without even a change of clothes and a toothbrush. There will likely be thousands of people with little more than a credit card to get them through the experience.

In modern history, only one general has been able to ignore the fine points of logistics and get away with it for any length of time. That was Napoleon, the man who conquered Europe by living off of the land. His soldiers were allowed to pillage whatever they needed at will, with a fair amount of rape and other mayhem on the side. It beats starving, after all. And if you have 100,000 people with no good place to perform the basic functions of being a human, they’re gonna be a bit pissy before the end of the convention. There’s no limit to the trouble people in a strange town and a foul mood can find themselves in.

What’s the main purpose for opening your mouth? Many people will think I’m crass for saying that the answer is, unquestionably, to shove food into it. If you don’t have that, what starts to come out of your mouth in the way of “expression” is driven by hunger – and it won’t be the kind of expression the organizers are hoping for.

Forgetting that we are human is the first step towards just about every kind of atrocity that I’ve ever seen. Let’s not go there. I’m thinking about doing my part to feed the multitudes while they are here, but I hope I’m not alone.

Meanwhile, if you’d like to have full-service accommodations for the RNC at a reasonable rate, I’d like to hear from you as wabbitoid47 at yahoo.com – you can be my guest and have all your needs taken care of just blocks from the convention.