Open Letter to South Carolina

Dear Palmetto State:

How are you doing?  It’s been a while.  I’ve always loved South Carolina for reasons that are hard to describe.  Perhaps it’s the history that lies just below the surface – even the bad stuff (you know what I mean here).  It could be the unique “Shag” dancing (no, that’s not a euphemism) or the passion for ACC hoops.  It might just be that I’m a swamp kind of guy.  But whatever it is, I’ve always known you as straight-up and honest people who are kind and decent.

You’ve all heard about the mayhem that native son Stephen Colbert has been plotting in your primary by now.  I’m sure it seems pretty silly, but it isn’t.  The thing is that we in the rest of the nation are asking you to help us out.  You’re on the front lines of nasty campaigning election after election, and you keep taking it and taking it and taking it.  But this year you can take a stand. This could be your second Battle of the Cowpens.  You probably heard this story in grade school, but let me explain:

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