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Visit From St. Klaus

Long ago, I would occasionally write “news poems,” or silly li’l rhymes on current events.  This one, from a full ten years ago, highlights just how bad things were then.  This reminder of Christmas past is intended to help everyone get through the difficult times in the stock market which are surely a part of 2018’s present and future as a brand new bubble bursts. 

‘Twas the hours before trading, and there on the screen
The markets abroad were all tranquil and green;
In Europe and Asia they each held to their course,
With decent increases in bourse after bourse.
But yet I couldn’t sleep in the dark of the night
Knowing somewhere that something just possibly might
Take a dive, though the hour was terribly late
For the year wasn’t over, this bad two-oh-oh-eight.

I felt myself nodding and ready to doze
When the Nikkei turned red just an hour ‘fore close.
I shook in a panic, as those green lines instead
Were plummeting, tumbling, and horribly red.
I knew as I heard my computer’s dull buzz,
When it cannot get worse, right before you it does.

I whipped on the teevee and flipped the remote
Changing channels like mad, hardly stopping to note
What was on at this hour, for I wanted to see
If they had anything running on CNBC.
As I found the right channel it soon became clear
That this was the crisis that closed out the year.

And there on the screen I saw all over the earth,
In Shanghai, Korea, and even in Perth;
Exchanges fell hard in Dubai and Bombay
And hundreds of places whose names I can’t say.
They crashed hard in London and Paris and Rome
And soon, very soon, it’d be light here at home.

There was not much to do.  I’d unload what I could
At open of trading, like anyone would.
But the panic and rush meant we’d all lose a ton,
Unless some kind of miracle saved everyone.
That didn’t seem likely as I stared at the tube
Until on the screen, came a strange looking dude.

He was round and quite short, through very well dressed,
Was not quite the figure that left me impressed.
From somewhere in Belgium he went up like to bat
And spoke to the press like an old bureaucrat,
Each reporter was hushed just as still as a mouse
And this queer looking Dutchman gave his name just as Klaus.

“Though we have no specifics and are quite far from thorough,
The ECB now sends out 3 billion Euros
This money will go to the banks and exchanges
And keep them all set in acceptable ranges.
If there is a need for liquidity later,
We will do what it takes to prevent a big crater.”

At the edge of the screen I could see on the ticker,
The pace of the world came around somewhat quicker;
And all of that red that spelled horror and doom
All turned to green like the old bullish boom.
It was Christmas, all over and over again
And the year would close out with one Hell of a win.

As I saw on the screen as Klaus had the questions deflected
I knew there was one detail he clearly neglected.
After all, who would pay for this liquid infusion?
But his measured response just would add to confusion
For he simply exclaimed as he turned out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

2 thoughts on “Visit From St. Klaus

  1. Pingback: A Model for Federal Equity, not Debt | Barataria - The work of Erik Hare

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